Observations On The Hipster

My wife’s little brother and his wife are in a band.  They’ve spent the last few years travelling around the country playing shows, and have developed an impressive following.  After winning big on the TV game show “Wipeout”(not kidding), they have decided to leave the band and enter the exciting world of  Property Management.  To thank their fans, they are playing three final shows in Utah.  The first was last night at Velour in Provo.  We haven’t seen them play for a couple of years, and figured we’d take the boys to see their aunt and uncle’s swan song.

In the interest of full disclosure.  I recognize how hard they work, and thousands of people really enjoy what they do.  But the music they play isn’t exactly my cup of tea.  It’s kind of a mix of late eighties rap stylings with electronic/pop, voice effects, and keytars.  It really has to be seen to be understood.   That being said, they put on a wild show.  And the sweaty throngs of kids know every song by heart. In an appropriate pairing, one of the opening acts was The Vibrant Sound, soul/hip-hop  cover songs, they started out with a funk-style version of the theme song from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.  Picture ”Lets get it on”  played with a mellow jazz trumpet, additional rapped lyrics, and a beat poet rythym.  Imagine the verses(not the chorus) of Henry Rollins “Liar”.

Easily the second and third oldest people in the room(my sister-in-law’s grandmother was there), we resigned ourselves to the back of the venue in the intimate VIP booth, while my boys headed up to the stage to get the full effect.  This gave me a chance for some people watching.

As you can imagine, they draw an interesting crowd .  A lot of teenie-boppers, on up to college-age hipsters.  What’s a hipster you ask?  Remember a few years ago, when the emo-kids were everywhere?  Most of them have evolved into hipsters.  A hipster is the anti-emo.  Where the emo-kid was all about sad-boys wearing makeup and cutting themselves, the hipsters have taken their Xanax and cheered up a bit.  Though still maintaining a need to dress like a retard, they have replaced the many shades of black, with obnoxious shades of neon.

Anything  circa 1989 is hip(ster) again, and there is an odd affinity for glasses at play.  The skinny jeans of the emo-kid are still there though, usually topping off some vintage Nike basketball shoes or Chuck Taylors if your phoning it in.  Perhaps born of a limited amount of cowboy play as a child the hipster can frequently be seen wearing a ridiculous bandana.

The idea is to look like you hit the thrift store and just threw together the coordinated neon ensemble you’ve come up with.  The good news is, most hipsters are non-aggressive.  Preferring instead, to act as though they are having the time of their life at all times.  Whether they are or not.

Though there is the occasional surly hipster……..

Most of these unfortunate youths were in diapers when the horrible hip-hop of the late eighties that inspires their look was en vogue.  And when they “discover” it,  they feel compelled to herald it as some sort of high point in musical history.   Instead of the plastic, uninteresting, tripe that it was.

I hope this helps you, the uninitiated, to understand a little more about the hipster.  You may misunderstand me and think I am simply a hipster-hater.  I do hold some ill-will toward the modern hipster.  I believe this is due in large part to the fact, that because of the correlation of the hipster to the fixed gear bicycle, I now feel self-conscious when I bust out the Langster(I figure some of you might have been wondering what all this has to do with bikes).  So now I don’t ride it around town anymore.  Instead I drive.  And  eat.  So basically, hipsters are why I’m fat.  There I said it.  Maybe if I’d just cheer up a little, I could join in all the fun.

  Not gonna happen.  I grew up in the nineties, the time of grunge.  We knew how to make a fashion statement.